


wished i had no regrets

by looniesnotcool (orphan_account)



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Heavy Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Illnesses, I’m sorry, Lowercase, M/M, Soft Wen Jun Hui | Jun, Soft Xu Ming Hao | The8, Soul Bond, Soulmate-Identifying Marks, Tearjerker, Teen Angst, Terminal Illnesses, Xu Ming Hao | The8-centric, i’m sorry this ain’t happy, junhao are so wholesome tho, kind of, please i’m whipped for them, seriously this is just angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-08
Updated: 2021-03-08
Packaged: 2021-03-13 23:33:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,612
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29908740
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/looniesnotcool
Summary: every one of minghao’s promises to himself broke the moment he met wen junhui.
Relationships: Wen Jun Hui | Jun/Xu Ming Hao | The8
Comments: 2
Kudos: 7





	wished i had no regrets

**Author's Note:**

> hi hi! here i am with another angsty one-shot, this time about junhao because i love them together okay sjdjdjsjdks. also a huge thank you to ToStressOrNotToStress for beta reading this <3

soulmates.

xu minghao never believed in that word.

the idea of depending on someone else for the rest of his days disgusted him. life was one, and he was determined to make the most out of it in his own way. maybe it was the realization that someday, no one would remember his name anymore and no traces of him would be left, so reaching happiness in these years where he'd have been on this earth was enough to fulfill his life. he was convinced that not being able to survive without a person he didn’t even get the chance to choose would end up trapping him in a dark place he wouldn't have even been able to imagine.

many said that since fate chose your soulmate, there was no way it could’ve been any less of a perfect match, but minghao knew those were all lies. or better, misinformation. for too many years people had believed that meeting their soulmates was an event that would’ve assured their eternal happiness. now, they weren’t able to accept or heck, even notice the bitter truth behind it all anymore. no one would’ve been able to reassure you your soulmate was going to be a good person. minghao could see the pain in his mother’s eyes every day.

he promised himself that when the dreaded day would inevitably come, he would not fall in love. it was something that meant joy, sure, but certainly also pain: a feeling minghao had gotten tired of. he did not want to suffer anymore, life was supposed to be enjoyed, so he swore to himself he would leave no strings attached to whoever the chosen one for him was. his friends, especially mingyu who technically was his ‘bestie’, believed he was being way too cautious, but he couldn’t afford to lose the meaning of everything he experienced until that point. besides, he could reach happiness on his own, he was sure of that.

or at least he thought so.

*

every one of minghao’s promises to himself broke the moment he met wen junhui.

he was a new transfer student at his high school. minghao didn’t usually pay attention to them or people in general, because he had never been good at creating relationships using words. he expressed himself way better through other ways, such as painting or music but speaking- speaking was something he dreaded. the fact he was a foreign student in a country he still hadn’t gotten completely used to didn’t help him. the day junhui was thrown into his life faster than the light, he was simply at his usual seat in the back of the class, fiddling with a pencil that was shorter than his fingers from all the times it had been sharpened.

but the new boy caught his attention. minghao still wouldn’t be able to explain how, because the feelings he had experienced the moment he glanced at him were so complex he couldn’t find accurate words for them. each one he could think of sounded just so plain, basic, and monotone, and junhui was everything but that. was it really that complicated, or was he just making a big deal out of it? whatever the answer was, something about junhui just reached out to the chinese boy’s heart and screamed ‘you can trust me’ at it. why did talking to him seem so tempting now? why did opening up to him sound so comforting now?

minghao shook his head, trying to shrug off these thoughts he considered stupid. he was starting to hate the way his heart began to clench and beat faster every second that passed, love at first sight did not exist and he wasn’t understanding why he was feeling this way, which frustrated him a lot. however, he couldn’t help but look up, eyes full of confusion yet holding a certain tenderness, when junhui spoke up for the first time. he said the most basic word anyone could think of, yet the younger boy would’ve been happy to hear that sentence every day for the rest of his life. 

“hi everyone! i’m moon junhui, a transfer student from china. i hope we can all get along well!”

learning that they were both from the same country made minghao a little more happier than he should’ve been. he started to wonder if junhui was living the same struggles as him with his life in korea, if he found some aspects of the culture strange just like him, if he was able to understand him. he never wanted to know someone as bad as he did now.

*

and from there a deep friendship was born, even if it was something more to minghao.

junhui had been the one who took the first step of course, though he was sure he would’ve ended up trying to talk to him anyway, which was quite surprising considering his closed-off personality. minghao wouldn’t have thought of himself as ‘in love’, but something inside of himself surely felt different. were those the infamous ‘butterflies in the stomach’ people would usually experience around somebody who made their heart skip beats? he had no idea, everything was new and confusing, especially if it was named wen junhui. an awkward introduction, a few amused giggles, a dorky smile, and minghao found himself still by junhui’s side a year later, not as strangers anymore but best friends.

as the months passed, the two chinese boys had started to hang out together. it was supposed to be for study sessions at the library at first, but they soon turned into late nights spent on junhui’s couch together, while watching netflix and eating snacks that were anything but healthy. minghao still wasn’t into the weird chips he’d find at his friend’s house every single time, but endured their presence anyway, just because his best friend was in love with them. he’d have given the world just to see that boxy, yet so adorable smile curve up junhui’s pink lips.

they were very different from each other, that was evident. junhui was the sun itself, despite his korean last name. always so full of life, positivity and of course a wild imagination that was able to come up with the craziest, sometimes impossible, ideas many couldn’t even be able to think of. he surprisingly also had a brilliant mind despite his dorky appearance, capable of finding a witty remark for every question he was asked. he was someone able to spot even the smallest details in a situation, yet he never noticed the soft smile that would appear on minghao’s face whenever he ranted about his crazy ideas, and the way it held something more than platonic love.

on the other side, there was minghao, always so calm and collected to the point many considered him a cold and distant person despite the fact they never had a proper conversation with him. sure, unlike junhui he wasn't an extrovert, and reaching that small soft spot in his heart only reserved to people he cared about deeply was difficult, but he had so much love to give. it was known that he had a passion for art: he had explored lots of sides of it, though his love for dancing was something incredible. everyone had their story, and minghao’s one was simply a little harder to read.

and if he had been only simply attracted to junhui at first, now he could officially consider himself head over heels. despite his distaste for the entire soulmate concept itself, for the first time minghao found himself wishing junhui was the ‘the chosen one’ for him, but how many chances were there that they were soulmates? because of this, realizing he had fallen in love had been something devastating for him. there were seven, now almost eight billion people in the entire world and minghao had never been good at luck games. he considered his feelings childish and dumb because he saw no point in loving someone that was destined to end up with another person.

“hao, aren’t you excited to meet your soulmate?” junhui casually asked on a beautiful saturday evening when his parents weren’t home and he and minghao were on the balcony, admiring the elegant dark sky and making wishes even though they hadn’t seen any shooting stars yet. the younger boy could’ve easily told junhui was interested in that particular topic by the way his eyes shined, they looked brighter than any star in the sky to him. yet, this wasn’t enough to stop the hated but familiar nervousness from making its way into his heart, which soon started to beat faster.

“my mark hasn’t even appeared yet.” he finally answered after a few seconds of peaceful silence. he was talking about the mark that would appear on every person’s body around their eighteenth year of age.  _ two soulmates have the same mark. upon meeting their chosen one, a kiss between them seals their love and starts the bond, which ties them to each other for the rest of their lives: they begin to weaken the more time they spend away from their significant other. _

“you’ll turn 18 this year, so it should be there soon! you know, i’m really hyped about my chosen one. holding someone who’ll love you forever close sounds amazing. i swear i’ll protect mine forever!” junhui exclaimed with his signature boxy smile while looking at the triangle-shaped mark on his wrist, wondering when he would’ve seen the same one on someone else. the older’s happiness usually made minghao’s day, but this time he couldn’t bring himself to smile back. he would’ve never admitted it, but the thought of junhui stuck with someone who was destined to stay with him forever was unbearable. the whole soulmate concept was basically mocking minghao at this point, spitting harsh words at him: “you aren’t even supposed to have feelings with him.” but he had endured the pain in his heart for a year now, so he would’ve been able to push it aside for the older’s happiness, right?

he was sure of it. one glance at junhui and he already knew he would’ve given the sky and all its stars for him.

*

things went downhill.

when minghao suddenly started coughing violently one day and sharp pain in his head prevented him from even keeping his eyes open, it didn’t take a genius to understand there was something wrong. he stayed a few days home, in hopes it was just a common cold that would’ve soon passed. in that period, he’d call junhui whenever his weak vocal cords would allow him to speak, and the sound of his voice alone was enough to make the pain a little more bearable. he’d come over to visit sometimes too, and minghao’s happiest memories surely included those moments where he and junhui were sitting on his bed, hands intertwined as they giggled and talked about forever.

the older had to leave him for a few months tho, the reason being a trip to china to spend more time with his parents in the place he grew up in. while he was away, he couldn’t do anything but reassure him he was going to be fine. and he seriously believed that at first, having been convinced by himself it was simply a fever. yet, the mysterious illness that was supposed to last for only a few days didn’t want to let go of him. he tried his best to hide his worsening condition whenever he’d video call junhui, though his skin had gotten so pale it was as white as the snow. he’d often abruptly end the calls to throw up in the bathroom.

at the beginning of the second week, the symptoms had reached such a concerning point minghao had been rushed to the hospital. he could feel his body becoming weaker with every hour that passed, and pieces of him falling apart in front of his eyes. he couldn’t do anything but stare at his dying figure. he had been stuck in the cold white room for weeks, the doctors looking more concerned every time they came back to check his conditions. minghao didn’t want worrying glances though, he needed answers. fortunately, mingyu visited him every day and his loud voice and terrible jokes managed to save him from dying of boredom. in times like that, he was so glad to have a friend he could rely on.

he didn’t miss the way his best friend appeared visibly worried about him too though, treating him as he was made of glass. he was starting to get slightly irritated by this: maybe he was sick, but he was still xu minghao, and being seen differently just because he was on a hospital bed frustrated him. however when the day he learned about his condition came, two weeks and a half after being admitted into the hospital, he began to understand the behavior of everybody around him.

“xu minghao, i am afraid to tell you your disease is currently incurable and your life expectancy is about three months.”

what truly shattered his heart though, was a triangle-shaped mark appearing on his forearm just a second after the dreaded words had been pronounced. 

*

“wen junhui?” the mysterious voice at the other side of the phone was unfamiliar. the owner was most likely in a state of shock, judging by the quick breathing. occasionally, sobs would cut off his sentences and it was hard to understand the words he was saying, was this person crying?

“yes? who am i talking to?”

“this is kim mingyu, minghao’s friend.” 

“oh, i know you! hao mentioned you a few times. how did you get my number?”

“that doesn’t matter now- you gotta get back to korea as soon as you can, please!”

“wait, what? w——

“minghao’s dying!”

*

for minghao, accepting his destiny had been tough at first to say the least. during the seemingly endless nights where his once lively self would shatter in a million pieces, his only wish was to feel that precious solace called junhui next to him. instead, the only warm thing he ended up with were his tears, which showed no sign of stopping as they slowly rolled down his cheeks and mouth only to fall down, leaving a lingering salty aftertaste that was somewhat bitter too. just like the pain his aching heart had been experiencing in those months stuck at the hospital. sometimes it was so strong minghao was glad he knew it would all end soon. 

he chuckled, finding it somewhat ironic. he would’ve given everything for junhui to be his soulmate just weeks ago, yet now that his wishes had come true they were now preventing him from telling the truth. as much as being selfish and making the older come over one last time sounded appealing, minghao still valued his happiness much more than his own. he was already in pain and he wouldn’t have forgiven himself if he made his loved one suffer as well. it was better to leave without a trace than to make junhui live the rest of his life missing half of him. after all, he had always been exceptional at keeping his mouth shut. a sad, yet useful talent.

he could tell he dreaded day was getting closer. during the last weeks his calls with junhui wouldn’t last more than a few minutes due to his fatigue, who made it difficult to speak for long periods. he’d confide his wishes he didn’t get to achieve to mingyu, the only one aware of his situation aside from the hospital staff. “this might sound surprising for you since i’ve always been kinda distant from everyone i guess, but starting a family with junhui has been my biggest dream for a while now. it’s funny, remember when i was super adamant about staying single forever or shit? knowing that will remain a dream forever kinda hurts me, but i think i’m beginning to accept it. i’d like to go away in the most peaceful way possible and not while having a panic attack.”

“hao i- please don’t say things like those. why don’t you invite junhui and be honest with him? you can cover your mark or stuff like that if you want, i just can’t see you like this anymore. please, just because you don’t have much time left doesn’t mean you shouldn’t be able to enjoy it. i want you to be happy.” mingyu wiped a tear away, knowing how much minghao hated to be the reason he was suffering. he couldn’t let his best friend pass away like that, that would’ve been just unfair. the world was truly cruel after all, and mingyu just wished junhui would magically appear in the room and comfort the dying boy.

and when just a week after that conversation minghao was rushed into another room of the hospital, mingyu knew the moment had come. behind the locked doors that led to his best friend’s current location, in a moment of desperation he took out his phone, shaky hands scrolling through the contacts until he arrived to junhui’s number.

*

it was now only a matter of hours.

minghao had been told that after the doctors had brought him back to his usual room. in his weak state he could barely comprehend the words, but what mattered was that he was okay with himself. sure, he had a bunch of regrets left, precious friendships would’ve ended, his wishes wouldn’t have come true and most importantly, he would’ve never been able to bond with junhui. but had lived moments full of joy with him and he’d cherish them forever. the future he could’ve had with him made his heart clench though: maybe they would’ve been able to return to china after college and begin a life together there. his soulmate would’ve surely adopted some cats since he was a big fan of them, and their house would’ve been full of those disgusting chips. while he wasn’t much excited about the last part, the rest all sounded so perfect in his mind.

the sudden sound of the door slamming interrupted his thoughts, but he didn’t seem to flinch or even react to it all. sounds of heavy pants filled the previously silent room, a figure who was way too familiar not to be recognized appearing in front of him. he had seen him billions of times, whether he was next to him or in his sweetest dreams. wen junhui, the love of his life, the person that made minghao believe in soulmates again, was now in front of him. upon seeing him, it was normal that thousands of questions filled his brain, wasn’t he supposed to be in china? why was he there? who told him he was at a hospital? he didn’t get an answer, but the feeling of being in junhui’s strong arms instead, enveloped by that warmth he had missed so much.

“haohao? i- why?” were the first words junhui had said. “why didn’t you tell me anything? i-is it true? mingyu told me everything and i booked the first flight available. and- and you know, this is a lot to take in. you could’ve told me, you know that i love you. i love you so much minghao, please tell me this is just a really bad nightmare..” fat tears were rolling down his face, his voice being shaky and hard for the younger to understand. he slowly raised up his hands and wiped junhui’s tears away, a small smile appearing on his face. while doing this action, the triangle-shaped mark was now visible to the older, answering the questions that were haunting him.

minghao pointed to it. “this is why.” his voice was barely audible, just above a whisper, but it still held that calming tone that was typical of him. “believe me junnie, i’m really sorry you had to find out like this. i’ve always loved you, my feelings for you have been with me even before my mark appeared.. but when i discovered you were my soulmate i was already on this bed, knowing my destiny. i couldn’t let you live the rest of your life missing a part of you, that would’ve been such a selfish move. i hope you can forgive me.”

“but this isn’t fair!” junhui exclaimed, choking on his own sobs. “hold on please, i need you to stay i- i need you in my life. who’s going to wake me up and prevent me from oversleeping if you’re gone? who’s going to listen to my stupid jokes and pickup lines and rants about cats? who’s going to be the shoulder i’ll cry on every time i feel too overwhelmed by life? minghao, i love you, i love you so much, i wanna grow old with you and be the solace you will seek whenever you need. please stay with me, i promise i’ll make you happy, i promise i’ll be a good soulmate..”

“i’m sorry.” minghao whispered, before being pulled into a deep kiss by junhui. it held all the love of the universe and more, the genuine feelings they both experienced for each other, the pain, the sadness, everything was there. junhui didn’t want to break it and he truly wished they could stay like that forever. nothing else mattered, not even the consciousness his life would be changed dramatically from that moment on. he couldn’t care less about feeling weak or incomplete, he needed to bond with the most important person that ever came into his life.

but when he was forced to pull away, minghao had already stopped breathing.


End file.
